Does Grandma love me?

Vivian was like most little just-turned-four year olds.   Mom could hardly keep up.   The two of them had just returned from a trip to Grandma's and Vivian couldn't wait to get out of the car, and usually out of her clothes and go to her room and play.   She would dance and talk to herself and her babies.   Vivian loved her babies.  She would take at least one or more if mom let her everywhere she went.   For a four year old, mom recognized Vivian connected people relationally very well.   Whenever she would go to the store she would be quick to point out the babies momma.   It wasn't to long ago she connected the daddy to the momma and momma to the baby.   This always amazed mom.  She marveled at how sharp Vivian's mind connected the dots.   The opposite was true as well.    She always knew when one of the pieces was missing.  She would point out, mom,  that is her momma as she pointed to the mom holding the infant.   Mom would always respond.  That's right Vivian.  Isn't she cute?  Vivian would be quick to ask, where is the momma's daddy?   By "daddy" she meant husband.  But to a four year old every one has a daddy or should have a daddy.

Vivian came running in from her room with everything off but her tighty whities.  She loved to be naked.   When she played and was deep in thought she would twirl her hair and play with her navel.   She was so adorable mom could hardly stand it.   Vivian bounced around with her favorite doll and then mom noticed how she got still.   As she was deep in thought she wondered over to mom with a perplexed look on her face.  Mom knew that look and knew a question was coming soon.   Mom reached out to Vivian and invited her into her lap.  Vivian looking down and then looked up into Mom's eyes and asked,  Why doesn't Grandma live in Grandpa's house?   Mom knew this question was going to come up one day but never did she believe it would happen this soon.   Mom, wanting to buy some time to come up with an answer said,  Well Vivian, I am not real sure.  It is difficult to explain.  Not satisfied at all.  Vivian asked, doesn't Grandpa love Grandma?   Mom felt a little twinge of the almost forgotten pain at the question.  Oh no Vivian, Grandpa loves Grandma very much, mom quickly responded.

Vivian looking down again deep in thought.   Mom knew that this was very confusing for her.   Afterall everyone needs a "daddy" in Vivian's simple little world.  Vivian asked the obvious question, but she said so slowly almost as if afraid to ask the question or afraid of the answer.  Does Grandma love Grandpa?   Now the slight pain in mom's belly was sharp and all too familar.   It had been some time since mom's parents got a divorce and the pain that was there had been suppressed for a while.  It had been so long that mom thought that maybe it had gone away for good but no it was only dormant waiting for this moment.  Mom looked Vivian in those big blue eyes and said, Baby, I believe at one time she did and she still may but it's difficult to explain. 

Being intuitive beyond her years mom could see the wheels turning in Vivian's head.   Maybe Vivian isn't a chess player or a child prodigy but she puts 2 and 2 together very quickly even if she can't quite articulate it It is there.   Vivian looked back at mom and with a hint of tear in her eyes and a quiver in her voice she asked, "Are You Going to Leave Daddy?"   Vivian's neat little innocent world was being rocked right in front of her.  Vivian's 2 and 2 where coming together.  If Grandma left Grandpa then her mom might leave her daddy.  Mom quickly and with as much conviction and sincerity as she could muster looked Vivian in the eyes and with grief and remorse tried to assure her, Oh Vivian, momma is never going to leave daddy.  We will always be together.   Momma held Vivian really tight.   Vivian looked back at momma paused for a moment  and then asked, "Does Grandma Love Me?"   Again this floored mom.  Vivian recognized that if Grandma's idea of love included leaving Grandpa then whose to say Grandma won't leave her too someday.   Momma again quickly responded, Oh Vivian, Grandma loves you more than anything.

As Mom said those words she knew they rang hollow and thin.   If Vivian doesn't know now she will learn love is a verb it is not what someone says but rather it is what someone does that demonstrates their love.   The same pain that mom felt when her parents divorced she knew was now being visited upon her daughter.   As she held Vivian close she silently plead with God.  Oh Lord please please give my husband and I grace to stick together.  Don't let us ever yield to temptation or wander from you.   Please keep us God.  Please, for Vivian's sake and her children.